Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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