Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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