she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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