Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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