Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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