when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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