So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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