you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
