is your mom at the bar?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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