Only a mothe r could love this liver
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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