i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
