I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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