I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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