I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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