You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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