I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
