I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
