This is not my ceiling
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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