I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
