Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
what day is it and did you see me today?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
