if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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