Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
