I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
