yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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