booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
