I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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