Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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