I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize