YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
