Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
