i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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