I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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