Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
