Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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