Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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