you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
