Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
