so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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