8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
