Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
