she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize