Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
