when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
