Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
