I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
