I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
