Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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