I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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