so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You need Xanax blowdarts
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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