There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
