The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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