dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
