i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
