tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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