On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
