i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
someone owes me an orgasm
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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