Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
