My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
