Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
