literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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