I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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