I think my vagina is haunted
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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