If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
