oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
