Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
