Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
