I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
