he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
