May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
