pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My vagina just recognized that song.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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