Sry I called you an 8
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
