I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
