I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
