I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
