small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
