Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
