Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
