brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
