She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
