clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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