Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
