connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
