You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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