i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
