I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think my nap took me to another dimension
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize