Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
