even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
