Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
