Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
