if i can run in heels then i can drive
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I will pee on everything he values.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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