I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize