Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
