make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
