Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
