i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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